The "No Fur On Fruit" Society

I pay good money to have clean, perfectly ripened, undamaged, firm, colourful fruit. Every morning I employ a young child to come to my house and shave the fuzz from the skin of a Kiwi Fruit for my breakfast. I quickly learned that Whipped Cream tastes rather better Shaving Cream. I am thinking about having the child use tweezers to individually pluck the tiny hairs protruding from my Raspberries. As a side project money-making scheme I would collect the hairs and fashion an attractive, albeit short, red hairpiece to sell to Elton John. I think the Punk Skinhead thing would really liven up his image.