Super Cell

Cell phones are gradually getting more and more functions packed into them, but they still don't have enough technology for me. I want a cell phone with:
- Voice mail
- Text messaging
- Address book
- PDA / Palm Pilot
- Clock
- Alarm clock
- Digital camera
- Calculator
- MP3 player
- Word/Excel
- Voice recognition for all functions
- Bluetooth downloading data to my PC
- Emails
- Scientific Calendar with graphs
- Digital memo voice recorder
- Web browsing with broadband speed
- Downloadable rings
- Radio
- TV
- 40Gb storage
- 8 inch screen
- Entire unit folds to 3 inches
- Global Positioning System (GPS)
- Always up to date road maps of every country in the world
- Automated driving directions
- Universal TV remote control
- Nintendo Game-Boy compatible
- 5 day battery life
- Remote car starter
- Garage door opener
- 3D holographic projection
- Stun gun
- Light Sabre