Urinal Etiquette

This guide intended for Gentlemen who do not wish to break the social norms when relieving themselves and want to alleviate any awkwardness in the Men's Room.
1) WHERE TO GO?

• Using either urinal or a stall is acceptable, although most Gentlemen with any self-reliance should use the urinal.


• Make every effort not to enter the restrooms at the same time as a buddy or work colleague.


• If you do enter at the same time as someone else, one of you will be expected to use the stall so as to avoid an awkward situation.


• If there are 2 urinals and one is in use, use a stall.


• If there are 3 urinals and the middle one is in use, use a stall.


• If there are 3 urinals and the 2 outer ones are in use, use a stall.


• If there are 3 urinals and one end one is in use, use the other end urinal.


• For larger bathrooms, the general rule is to leave a courtesy buffer of at least one empty urinal between you and the next Gentlemen.


• The above rule does not apply in busy /heavy drinking events such as sports events, bars, and night clubs. In this case each Gentleman is expected to follow the 'one urinal, one Gentleman' rule. If there is a long trough then the general rule for knowing how close you may stand to another Gentleman is that you should never be able to 'cross the streams'.

2) STANCE

• Stand with legs shoulder-width apart.


• One hand on the hip or in a pocket is considered 'good form'.


• Placing both hands on your 'unit' should be avoided. If you need both hands to take aim then you should go back to potty training.

3) WHERE TO LOOK

• In normal circumstances it is expected to look straight ahead at the wall.


• You may also look down to check your aim. All men of refinement understand that 'Shooting the soap' is fun.


• Do not look at anyone else, or turn around to see who has just entered the room.


• Some forward-thinking bars and clubs place newspapers, sports memorabilia or posters on the wall directly in front of you.


• If you are talking to the person next to you and you feel that it would be rude to continue to stare at the wall, then turn your head and lock eyes with the other Gentleman.


• Never look with 30 degrees of another Gentleman's 'unit'.

4) TALKING

• Talking should be avoided if possible. A cursory 'hello' is much more acceptable and comfortable for both parties than a full conversation.


• Never start a conversation until you are both washing your hands.


• If someone starts a conversation with you, keep it very brief, but polite.


• If a conversation is in progress as you enter the bathroom with someone else, try to pause the talking until hand washing is in progress.


• Never, under any circumstances, talk to someone in a stall.


• Talking on cell phones used to be completely prohibited, but is now gradually becoming more accepted. Try to keep conversations to sport and the weather.

5) FINISHING UP

• The normal ending process is the 'shake and squeeze'.


• Some Gentlemen may have the bravado to shake their entire body, perhaps even standing up on their toes if they feel particularly upbeat.


• Spitting is considered 'good form'.


• Flush the urinal with gusto... as if you were changing gear in Ferrari 360.
  
• It is expected that you wash your hands unless you are particularly intoxicated.